i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I cut my penus on the lid.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
