I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
