My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
