i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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