My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
