remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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