if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
