Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
