somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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