listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
