im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
