this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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