ya dads aren't the best wingmen
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
