Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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