just tell him i said nine months
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
