If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's always time for handjobs
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
