Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
