roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
there is puke in my bra ... again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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