I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
