My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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