I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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