i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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