i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize