I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
