I think I am morally bankrupt
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
