Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize