i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So much rum. So many feels.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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