your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
