So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The best revenge is premature balding
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
