I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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