Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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