I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
