He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
