There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
