Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
