Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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