we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize