i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
