i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
