i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
