hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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