yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
