I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
why do cheetos always look like penises
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize