Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
