If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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