3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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