i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
