I cockslap morals
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
