shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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