ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
