it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
