I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
