Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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