I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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