New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
