Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
