If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
