This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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