How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
oh god the rape fog is back!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
