My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
