Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm passing your future prison.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
