please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
