this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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