i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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