You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
