I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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