Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
