make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I believe in your delicious
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
