My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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