we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
