Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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