Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
