Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
