i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
