i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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