I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
