Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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