Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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