the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
