Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
