Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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