There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
this is an emotional support booty call
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
