Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
