didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
God, I missed his penis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
