I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
