I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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