Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
