i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
