I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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