I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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