U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
