it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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