You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
