youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize