Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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