My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
