Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
