My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
