I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
