I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
