I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
