you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
