Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
