Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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