He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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