DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
one might say we're banned from that church
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Drake has all the answers
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
