what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Enjoy the penises
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
