just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
