I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
