my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
this hospital has no fireball
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
