Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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