I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
