College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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