two words: eviction party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
