Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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