he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
